I've been having problems with VELO. Usually it's my foot pain that distracts me. Or else Melody. Or else I'm too sleepy. When I quiet my mind and make space for peace I get thoughts and hear things instead of silence. I need to keep focusing back on my sensations and not try to imagine anything. I remember how Beth was. I felt like a kindergartner.
My last dreams have been sad.
I hate thinking who I am or my emotions or anything like that is something that others can control. I shouldn't be that way.
That's why I really want and need to get good at VELO and at what CDP is teaching. I think over time I will learn, a lot, hopefully.
I miss days when I could hang out at Starbucks and try to write, or read, or whatever. Everything feels too loaded now. Not to mention the horrors of the pandemic.
If I could run, I would try that. It's been so rainy though.
I don't know what to make of everything. I don't know the Why I guess, behind it all. I don't understand.
I need to get better control of my money. I need to stop spending money. I have for the most part, but it just seems I'm constantly spending or spending a lot. What I mean is I want to keep in budget. I hate being over extended.
I should go on a spending freeze.
Every time I try VELO I have trouble. Foot hurting, sleepiness, cat interruptions, mind drifting. This is ridiculous. I need to get it done.
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