Learning VELO

 I read my last post before this latest experience.  WOW.  I was not expecting what happened to happen.

At least it has made me much more serious about CDP.  I have started it (again) and am trying to actually apply what I am learning.

It's hard now though because my foot is hurt and it's a big distraction when I'm trying to relax.

It seems we have another cat.  Sylvia won't let me pet her too much.  I think I am too impatient about it.

I want to do VELO and get good at it.  It's really hard when my foot aches though.

I NEED TO STAY OFF MY FOOT.  STAY OFF IT.  NO WALKING.  NO DOING STUFF.  This is really, really hard to do.

I wonder if those who I felt could sense or read some of my mind can read this private blog?

I still am trying to put together all that happened.

I want to keep trying to be positive and loving.  The world has enough negativity without me contributing more.  I messed up and I'm sorry but I'm done with putting out that energy.  It's all based on fear and I need to learn how to squash it out of me.  I hate that.  I really, really hated it.

I do feel now though... a sense of freedom or like new beginnings.  Because how much worse can it get?

I think about them and I wonder...I don't know how to meet them really.  Not yet.  That's why I think I need more CDP courses and to get somewhere with that.

In the mean time I am also going to get healthy.  I also need to heal my foot.

I don't know how to explain this to anyone, not even the closest friend can understand, only those who are part of it, I guess.

I don't even know what to explain...

Melody can't relax when Sylvia's around.  Somewhat.

My focus has not been where it was before this.  I have a renewed strength, commitment, desire, I don't know what it is.

I just can't run :(

I'll try to look at all the positives.

I really need to STAY OFF MY FOOT.  It's surprisingly difficult.  It really is.  I put up with the pain and then it becomes unbearable all of a sudden and my left knee starts hurting too (shuffling I think).  So I will STAY OFF FOOT.  STAY OFF OF IT.  NO MORE DOING STUFF.  I will stay off of it.  let it heal.  Let it heal.  Only way to go.  No more pain, no more pain, gotta let it heal.  Heal the heel.  Lol.

Anyway, I might be able to VELO now.  I'll try.